Be A Patriot And Give Your Baby A Christian Name!

The big news out here is the birth of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes new bastard baby! Of course, I think it sets a horrible example for our young and impressionable children that this couple decided to have the baby out of wedlock! Come on Tom, I don't think that Top Gun or Ethan Hunt would do this, it's very UnAmerican! How hard would it have been for you two to visit a preacher, say your vows and bring that baby in the world with two married and loving parents!
Then TomKat decided to give the baby a hippie weirdo name, Suri, instead of a normal Christian name like Susie or Ashlee! Maybe it's because they're not normal or Christian! Child protective services should seize that child and place her in a good safe white Christian home, as we Christians are going to need to add to our ranks to defend ourselves in the ongoing war against Christianity.
My new friend Brandon, who is a gay, says that Tom is a gay, too! I guess that's why he belongs to a gay church like Scientology! But if he is a gay, how did he make a baby? It's kind of scary if a gay can make a baby, because if they ever found this out, they'd make a whole bunch of little boy babies for their friends and them to molest, everybody knows that the gays are all pedophiles!
So someday, when I get married and have a baby, not only will it be with a white Christian, my baby, either he or she will have a good Christian name like Wayne (for a boy) or Alishia (for a girl). I think it should be a law that babies be only given Christian names, then if it grows up and wants to change it's name to some weirdo hippie name, like Freedom, Justice, or Love, it can do that. in the mean time while it's growing up, it won't be teased at school by the cool kids with good Christian names!