How I Came Up With My Name
When I was fourteen, I started going to the Village Inn pizza parlor every Thursday Night, because that was karaeoke night. I'd get there on stage and sing my favorite Hillary Duff and Britney Spears songs (this was before Britney turned out to be a lying slut and homewrecker). Well, naturally, the people loved me, as I am so talented, so I went back again. And again.
I had a friend, a homosexual whom I was trying to save from the eternal torment of Hell, who would help me out with costume design. I tried to get him to convert by trying to set him with the local sluts, but to no avail. Meanwhile, I was there every Thursday, singing my little heart out, as well as working in a few dance steps my homosexual friend would show me. (Fags are such good dancers!)
Pretty soon, people would come to watch me perform every Thursday. I had my crowd of regulars, mostly middle aged gentlemen. They would sing along with and applaud after every song! It was then I knew that God had chosen me to be a star! So I asked the owner if I could get paid for my singing, and of course the Jew said no. You know how cheap they are. So then I asked if I could at least get star billing, to which he laughed at me! Well, I went backstage and I cried and I cried!
My homo friend came backstage and saw I was upset, and asked me what was wrong. I explained what happened, and he sat there for a moment and thought, then he turned to me and said:
"Why don't you change your name to Carrie Oakey! Because then, every Thursday night would be Carrie Oakey night!" I wanted kiss him, but knew I'd probably get AIDS if I did, so I shook his hand (and washed it right afterwards) and thanked him, and that's when I became Carrie Oakey!
I felt bad a couple years later when my gay friend was killed by a couple guys on the football team, but the price of sin is not cheap, and he should have known that this is how God wanted him to die. I take solace in the fact that i tried to save him from his evil ways, but the grip of satan on him was too great!
posted by Carrie Oakey @ 8:15 AM
9 Comments:
If you just get a crowd of people coming to see you regularly on Thursdays, that's how you know God wants you to do something? Or is it only if the audience participates? I don't quite get how that works.
One more thing: If you shake hands with a Jewish person, does that put you at risk of becoming a Jew? Of becoming a Nobel laureate?
Just be careful you don't catch cold and come to my Confessional if you need to talk about your sins, as we all have them.
I absolutely love how you've turned your blog into this ridiclous persona of a religious fanatic but yet complete spoiled brat! Keep it up, I think it's hilarious. I am so glad people like you pretend to be don't actually exist.
Where you able to covert your gay friend before he was so tragicaly slain? Your to be commended for trying. God Bless you Carrie
i'm glad you realize that somewhere inside every hetro is a homo person screaming to be let free.
after you get over your incestous relationship, I'm sure you will find some nice girl for some lesbo action.
Oh, good. I'm glad you told me. I thought maybe you stole it from some porn star.
Where's Rex Kramer, Danger seeker?
Seems I smell his aftershave when I come here.
やっと分かった！「Carrie Oakey」は英語の悪い発音で「カラオケ」って！
oH now I get it. "Carrie Oakey!" Jeez hon that is funny yawl. I'm glad that homo got what he deserved, even if he was clever and knew some good dance steps.
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