What To Pack?

I'm happier than a gay watching a Dynasty marathon on the soap network! The rapture is coming and I'm going to live to see it! Everything is on hold until that glorious day when I'm lifted up to Heaven and get to spend forever with Jesus!
But I'm not sure what to pack. Like, footwear! What kind of shoes would be goood for walking on clouds? Maybe I should just pack sandals, as that's what Jesus wears! But do I pack my leather strapped ones, or my flip-flops? Do I need to pack evening wear? Does God make you dress up for dinner, like my parents did on Sunday?
Is casualware allowed? I have a pair of shorts that make my butt look cute, but would Jesus be offended? I just don't know!
Should I take all my secular music out of my iPod and just load it full of Christian rock? I'm sure Jesus wouldn't mind a little Jessica Simpson now and then, would he? How about jewelry? Heaven just wouldn't be Heaven if I couldn't accessorize! I hope Heaven has scads of fun stores for me to shop at, which credit card do I bring? Does Heaven accept American Express, or is it VISA only?
So many questions! I had my friend Brandon, the gay, help me go through my stuff, but he just seemed so sad! I will miss him when I get to Heaven, but homosexuals are not allowed! I told him I'd wave to him as often as I could, and that didn't cheer him up at all! Then he started to cry when I suggested that if he wanted to go to Heaven, he shouldn't have chosen to be a gay! It's not his fault, he went to a public school!
How many bags will they let us bring? What pajamas do I pack, my flannel ones or that nightie my step-daddy bought me? What about Bingo Bear and Molly Dolly? I'd hate to leave them behind where some filthy heathen could get their dirty paws all over them!
I know! Tonight, I'll go to the video store and rent Left Behind! I would read the book, but I'm only a girl, and girls don't read books!
See you in Heaven!