Reach For The Stars!

Jail For Skanks

2007-05-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well folks, Paris Hilton is headed for jail, and it's not the fashion police that has arrested her, it was the real police! And no, sadly, it wasn't for being a pornographic internet skank, which should be against the law, but for some reason, it isn't! No, Miss Hilton violated the law by driving on a suspended license, twice no doubt, because she was not smart enough to do her own reading!
Miss Hilton's lawyer pointed out to the judge that Miss Hilton is very rich and should be able to do what she wants! She demonstrated this by arriving for her case 20 minutes late and still putting on make-up! It's not like she has a job or any other valid excuse as to why she was late! Finally, she broke down and shed some crocodile tears for the cameras as the judge handed down his fair sentence of 45 days in jail!
These skanks think that all they have to do is flash their privates, and the whole world needs to stop and stare! And while I do believe the rich deserve different treatment than the rest of you rabble, it's because with out us, you would have no jobs to go to, like the fellows who worked for my step-father who became unemployed when he went to jail because of some outrageous charges made by my skanky next door neighbor.
I personally believe all skanks should go to jail just on general principle alone! Strip them all down and they can flash their girl parts at every pervert who wants to see them, these whores are not ashamed! Maybe Miss Hilton will find Jesus in jail, and turn over a new leaf and put on some underpants, but since she obviously is craving the attention her folks never gave her, maybe they should sentence her to spending evenings at home with her parents, watching boring television shows like Law & Order, like my mother likes to watch!
The hard part for poor Paris is the 45 days start on June %, which means she'll spend the entire summer skank season behind bars! But at least our beaches (and boyfriends) wil be safe!

The Cell Phone Buzz!

2007-04-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

I love my cell phone. I can text, email, take pictures and videos and download music from the web! I can stay in touch with my friends, or still go shopping while I'm waiting for that call from an agent or producer! Really, I can't see how people ever managed to survive with out them, before they were invented, or now! They really are useful!
Now, it turns out, they do even more! Cell phones are killing bees! And to that I say "Yippee!" because I've been stung any number of times by those nasty things, and it really hurts! What do we need bees for, anyway? And if I'm killing bees by using my cell phone, I'm going to call my friend KayLEE, just to chat about that cute boy I saw at the grocery store! I might talk enough to kill a whole hive!
Is the world worse off without bees? I don't think so! How many times have you been laying out, catching some rays, only to find out your bronzing lotion attracts wasps! (And I don't mean white Anglo-Saxon Protestants, either!)I know God created everything for a purpose, but bees rank down there with Mexico and Seacrest! Maybe it's just time the bees went the way of the dinosaurs!
Now if they only came up with a cell phone that killed terrorist loving liberals!

Is This What The Democrats Have to Offer?

2007-04-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

Carrie's Back and Kicking Barack!

2007-04-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

Well, fans, I am back! After falling in to deep depression following my rejection by those America haters at the ironically titled American Idol, I have realized that Jesus, like myself, went through many tribulations to prove himself, and never questioned God's intentions, so why should I?!?!
A lot has happened in the time that has passed since I last posted here at the most incredible blog in the blogosphere. The Democrat party has stolen the congress away from America and straight into the hands of the America haters, who are now running for president against our Holiest of wars! First we have that obviously homosexual former first lady, Hilary Cliton running on her shaky record as the Democrat Senator from Jew York. Then we have Barack Osama, we need another one of them colored people in the nation's capitol like we need another Kennedy (excuse my Irish). Don't even gets me started on that John Edwards character, any real American would have dumped his wife when she got cancer, just ask St. Newt, or America's mayor Rudy Jewliani.
It doesn't matter who the Democrat party gets to run, the American people will rise up and defeat them, and they could do it with a weak candidate like John McCain!

If That Slut Can Do It, So Can I!

2006-08-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

Oh sister! It turns out you don't need talent or the backing of God to be a pop singer! It turns out all you need is a lot of your parents money and no shame!Paris Hilton is releasing her new CD, and it's so bad it makes her, like, cry! I'm sure that anybody who hears it would cry, if they weren't, you know, on ecstacy! That would explain why her single,Stars Are Blind has climbed to the top of the dance charts! Modern technology is so, like, wonderful! Now, even untalented publicity whores can be stars!
I was talking to my friend Brandyn, who's a gay, and he said that anyone can record a record! I didn't know that! All it takes is some money, and you can record your own CD! Well, my step-daddy has a lot of money! So I'm going to talk to him, and maybe he'll give me enough money (probably costs like millions of dollars. That's how much Michael Jackson spends!)to record my own! Won't that Simon Cowell be shocked when I'm on top of the charts without any help from him! Soon the world will recognize my God-given talent!
But you won't see me running around half-naked! I won't be releasing any sex videos on the internets, either! I'm going to make it on sheer talent alone! Look out, here comes Carrie!

Wait For My Lifetime Movie!

2006-08-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm still recovering from my humiliating loss at the American Idol auditions last week! That Simon is really a nasty person, and I could say a whole lot more , but I'm a Christian and a lady, so we won't go there! I'm just hoping I can make it up to Seattle for the next round of auditions!
Lifetime is showing The Fantasia Barrino Story this month, and while I can say that it will be interesting, it in no way will be good as mine will, when I finally make the show! She thinks she had it tough, let me tell you sister, ain't no one had it as bad as me!
First, my daddy died in the first Gulf War! They said it was friendly fire, but when somebody's shooting you, there isn't anything friendly about that at all! But that didn't deter me at all, it made me decide to be a better Christian, so I could go see my daddy in Heaven! Then, my mommy and me had to scrape by and live in an apartment, until she had the good fortune to marry my step daay, a wealthy businessman! But the hardships didn't end there! Did you know that in high school, I had to drive a used car?!? Then there was the month my step daddy took my credit cards away from me, that was really a struggle! Can you imagine, not being able to shop for a month!
But not once did I let that deter me as I drove on to become a success, the success that God has specifically created me for!
Then there was the years of my childhood I had to endure a liberal Democrat in the White House! The shame the fornicator brought to God's great country will never be erased! Thank God He made George W, Bush president! He has returned the country to the greatness and promise that God gave us when He made America!
I look at some of the 'hardship' Miss Barrino had to endure, and I think while she ay have had some difficulty, sure, they were all brought on by her family's rejection of good Christian values! She was the one that decided to birth a baby out of the sanctity of wedlock! She made the decision to drop out of high school! It was hard for me going to high school in that used car, but let me tell you, even though I was embarrassed to be seen in a second hand sedan, I still endured everyday, because I had friends who still rode the bus! And even though every boy in school was trying to fornicate with me, I never once did anything that would have stopped me going to Heaven to see my daddy, like having sex! Ever! I am proud to say, to this day, I am still a virgin, because I know from what my mommy said that having a child on your own can drag you down!
So as you can see, my whole life has been a struggle! Even being rejected by those mean people at American Idol five times has never got me down! So when I finally do ascend to my rightful place in the Celebrity Stratosphere as pre-ordained by God, the movie of my life will be very uplifting!

How To Fight AIDS!

2006-08-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

Frankly, in my opinion, there are a lot of better things Bill Gates could spend $500 million on than AIDS research! Like a new haircut, for instance! C'mon, Bill your hairstyle is so out of date you remind me of the wife beater wearing white trash back in my home town who still sport mullets! And get some new glasses too! You're a billionaire, not some commie John Lennon wannabe! In fact, there should be one of those makeover show devoted entirely to him!
What Mr. Gates is proposing is just another example of science trying to replace religion! Every intelligently designed person, from Pat Robertson to the Reverend Jerry Fallwell knows that AIDS was sent down by God to punish the gays! If a gay didn't want to catch AIDS they should just stop being a gay! Then everybody who had AIDS would die, and while we wouldn't have as many talented people in the entertainment industry, at least we know that God wouldn't allow the terrorists to attack us again because of our acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle!
In fact, I think Mr. Gates should give me the $500 million, because right there I described how to get rid of AIDS! And I didn't have to use any Jesus denying science to do it either! Plus, if you gave me the money, I would go with to a hairstylist (because, frankly, all the good ones will have died off)to help her help you get a good hairstyle! Then I would take you shopping to help you pick out some stylish clothes, before all the designer stuff that was designed by a gay was gone!

Who Else, Lamont? Mel Gibson?

2006-08-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ned Lamont is leading in the polls for the Senate seat occupied by rapturiffic Joseph Lieberman, in some Yankee state full of rapture denying liberals! Joe must be a good guy for Our Supreme Leader to give him a kiss like that! And Joe supports our efforts to kill all them Iraqis and let Allah sort them out as well! Which means if you don't want Lieberman to win, you're with the terrorists!
So what does Lamont do with lead in the polls? Calls on Jesse "Hymietown" Jackson to help him win! There's no better way to say your anti-semitic than to get Jesse to campaign for you, short of inviting Mel Gibson and Cindy Sheehan to a photo op.
Jackson, who claims to be a reverend, said "What's at stake is the future of our country and it's priorities." Duh! Our priorities are to bring on the rapture and convert America in to the proud Christian nation it was two hundred years ago! Who better to implement that than a man who will put Israel's interests first, which of course, will lead to the creation of the Greater Zion called for by the Bible needed for Jesus's return?!? And when Jesus comes back, America needs to be ready by becoming God's Country again!
"This coming weekend it's door knocking time. It's telephone call time," Jackson said. As if a bunch of rich white people want a colored person going door to door in their cities! Hope you have a lot of bail money with you because I'm sure the sherriff will be arresting you! And before you start making phone calls, better practice your diction because all I ever hear Jesse talk is ghetto talk! You know, health care, fair trade, welfare, all the stuff colored folk feel they are entitled to just because they were slaves a long time ago! Get over it!
The truly oppressed people here are the people of Lieberman's faith! The Holocaust was where people were killed, just for being Jews! That never happened to colored people in America! Not in a long time!

What To Pack?

2006-07-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

I'm happier than a gay watching a Dynasty marathon on the soap network! The rapture is coming and I'm going to live to see it! Everything is on hold until that glorious day when I'm lifted up to Heaven and get to spend forever with Jesus!
But I'm not sure what to pack. Like, footwear! What kind of shoes would be goood for walking on clouds? Maybe I should just pack sandals, as that's what Jesus wears! But do I pack my leather strapped ones, or my flip-flops? Do I need to pack evening wear? Does God make you dress up for dinner, like my parents did on Sunday?
Is casualware allowed? I have a pair of shorts that make my butt look cute, but would Jesus be offended? I just don't know!
Should I take all my secular music out of my iPod and just load it full of Christian rock? I'm sure Jesus wouldn't mind a little Jessica Simpson now and then, would he? How about jewelry? Heaven just wouldn't be Heaven if I couldn't accessorize! I hope Heaven has scads of fun stores for me to shop at, which credit card do I bring? Does Heaven accept American Express, or is it VISA only?
So many questions! I had my friend Brandon, the gay, help me go through my stuff, but he just seemed so sad! I will miss him when I get to Heaven, but homosexuals are not allowed! I told him I'd wave to him as often as I could, and that didn't cheer him up at all! Then he started to cry when I suggested that if he wanted to go to Heaven, he shouldn't have chosen to be a gay! It's not his fault, he went to a public school!
How many bags will they let us bring? What pajamas do I pack, my flannel ones or that nightie my step-daddy bought me? What about Bingo Bear and Molly Dolly? I'd hate to leave them behind where some filthy heathen could get their dirty paws all over them!
I know! Tonight, I'll go to the video store and rent Left Behind! I would read the book, but I'm only a girl, and girls don't read books!
See you in Heaven!

No Peace Without Jesus!

2006-07-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

A buch of dirty hippies over at Glenda In The Land of Oz are "posting for peace", smoking their "grass" and incoherently babbling on about "peace". Get over yourselves, you dirty hippies! The sixties are over! Turn off those Doors CDs and start listening to something good from this milennium such as Jessica Simpson, or Taylor Hicks. It's the Fourth of July, and I don't think I need to remind you that your freedom of speech was paid for with the blood of US soldiers, so shut up!
I hate to inform these patchouli perfumed potheads peace can only pass by Jesus' will! And God told Our Supreme Leader to strike at Iraq! We need to establish the Great State of Zion before the Earth is ready for Jesus' return. That means wiping out all the dirty Muslim horde, or converting them to Christianity. When peace is finally obtained, then begins the rapture, whereby all good Christians will be lifted up to Heaven to watch the ensuing battle for earth between the Jews and the Muslims from a cloud! All you tree worshipping heathens will be left behind! Put that in your bong and smoke it!
And by Christian, I of course don't mean the dirty Papist child rapist Catholics! The peace-loving Quakers are wrong too! The Lutherans, Methodists and Baptists, while having their hearts in the right place, are doomed as well! Until you know Jesus in the right way, you can never know peace!

More Moonbat Hypocrisy!

2006-06-28T16:48:00.000-07:00

Once again, the liberals get it all wrong!They're all over the place, trying to make hay from Rush Limbaugh's detainment for having drugs in his carry-on luggage while returning from a trip to the Domincan Republic! Hello! These were prescription drugs, written for him by his doctor! Not like the "grass" Bill Clinton claimed not to have inhaled! And it's not even that OxyContin that some activist judge tried to send Rush to prison for! Doctor shopping! The liberals are trying to make all the good things about this country, like shopping, illegal, while trying to protect sins against God, like adultery! Well, according to my step-daddy, this legal drug they caught him with, Viagra, isn't even addictive, and is the opposite of the muscle relaxers Rush was taking-UNDER DOCTOR'S ORDERS!
Now they'll probably want to throw Rush's doctor in jail, just for trying to protect Rush's privacy! Don't all those moonbats whine about the government 'spying' on them? Or when Bill Clinton was under investigation for committing adultery, and then lying about it, they all claimed it was all about his 'privacy'. Here Rush isn't even doing anything as bad as committing adultery, and suddenly all those privacy advocates are high fiving each other because a good man got nabbed and now they're trying to sully his reputation!
This is all because the liberals in charge have a vendetta against good conservatives such as Rush! So instead of tracking down America Hating Islamofascists, they're searching the luggage of one of the Greatest American loving Patriots of all time! How is searching Rush's luggage making us safe from terrorists? It's not! But do you hear the whiners, who complain about airport searches, defending Rush? No, of course not! And we all know why, don't we? Because they're hypocrites!

Hillary The Hater!

2006-06-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

How much clearer does it have to be? The Democrats have declared war on Christianity, with Hillary Clinton firing the most recent salvo! Personally, I think Mrs. Clinton needs to visit the same place Betty jo went to get de-gayed, but maybe Hillary likes wearing those unflattering pants suits!
As Christians, we are asked to excercize our faith and follow our leaders blindly, and what better leader to follow than one appointed by God himself? God couldn't let something flimsy like democracy allow a convenient liar like Al Gore or permanent flip-flopper like John Kerry to be in charge of His country! The greatest country on Earth!
Our Supreme Leader talks directly with God and God answers him back! So to question the motives of George Bush would be the same as questioning God, which is surely part of the satanic communistic Democrat agenda! We are war with the Islamofascists who hate our freedoms, either you pipe down and back the president, or you are giving aid and comfort to the enemy!
This was during a debate on two bills introduced by the cut and run Democrats, each one to determine a timetable by which US forces are to cut and run! Mrs. Clinton compared God's party, the Republicans to the three monkeys "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil"! As if! She also neglected that Iraqi terrorists were caught yesterday in Florida trying to blow up the Sears Tower! If attacking a good store like Sears isn't evil, then I don't know what is! Imagine if they blew up a Sears tower you were shopping at! Well, don't get mad at the Republicans, they're the ones who realize the importance of protecting Great American Landmarks like your local Sears Tower.
Hillary also failed to mention the WMD found in Iraq! We told you liberal scum bags they were there, and now what do you have to say? "Well, they're old weapons, the chemicals broke down, blah,blah, blah"! Wouldn't stop the terrorists from using them!
So, Mrs. Clinton, maybe if you spent more time doing your womanly duty satisfying your husband and less time trying to create a secular America, your husband wouldn't be having sex with a porker like Monica Lewinsky!

Senate Works To Protect Second Coming

2006-06-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I was as excited as a colored person with a free thousand dollar government issued debit card to spend on lap dances when I heard that God's own, Senator Bill Frist, tried to get a bill passed in the Senate making it illegal to transport a woman across state lines for purposes of obtaining an abortion! We all know who's on God's side in the war against Christianity! Unfortunately the bill met an untimely death when Ted Kennedy tried to tack on an amendment raising the minimum wage! Proving once and for all that the satanic communist Democrats will do anything in their power to prevent Our Savior from becoming born again!
The Republicans knew that such a bill, with the Democrats attached amendment, would dig deep into the pockets of hard working business owners like my step-daddy, who are trying to run a business as well as pay child support to some harlot an activist judge decided bore his love child based solely on DNA evidence with out any preponderance of my step daddy's good Christian nature!It was a hard decision to make, but since the communistic democrats had them over a barrel, protect the Birth of The Christ Child, or stop another left wing attempt to redistribute wealth, which ever choice they made, it was the right one.
I just want all good Christians to remember who is on God's side! The tax and spend cut and run wage raising Democrats or the freedom loving, flag and marriage protecting, Islamofascist fighting Republicans! (Here's a hint:which party has the Supreme Leader appointed by God Himself?)So remember this November who is the party that tried to pave the way for Jesus' rebirth as an American citizen, and who sided with the devil.

Entitled To Fraud!

2006-06-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

I see where that crazy colored person claiming to be my "step-brother" is back, claiming I had an abortion! I hope you know you just committed libel, buster, and my step-daddy's lawyers are all done straightening out the mess with my neighbor, the whore! They'll be coming for you, so I suggest you get off welfare and get a job, because they're going to make you pay for all the dirty things you say about me!
That's the problem with the colored people in America, they don't know anything! They think they can say what ever they want and get away with it because some liberal activist judge will take their side! I got proof you're a liar, fatso, and we can track you down, so be prepared!
Another problem with the colored people in America, is they think they're entitled to everything. So while us white people work hard and pay taxes, they take it from us in welfare that they use to buy Cadillacs and crack with! Like the recent Hurricane Katrina victims who were given debit cards by George Bush to help them out because they were too stupid to leave town when a hurricane was coming! And did they buy anything good with it, like Bibles, or clothes? No, they spent it on jewelry, lap dances, divorces and hookers! They had the whole country feeling sorry for them because they were "displaced", but instead of using the money to better theselves, or put a downpayment on a house that wasn't on a flood plain, they wasted it! A billion dollars worth!By step-daddy calls this being "n***** rich" ( I don't like to use that word, because our Supreme leader has appointed some very prominent colored people to his cabinet, and he would never use that word) and that's why they always will be poor because of investing their money wisely, they spend it on "bling-bling" like jewelry.
Now Our Supreme Leader says the economy is booming, why aren't these people out getting jobs? He is doing his part to ensure that no American ever need live off entitlements, but these people always have to have their hands out! Nobody just gives you money! Be an American and take part in this glowing economy the greatest P{resident ever has created for you!
Well, I just had to let out some steam. Tonight is karaeoke, I mean, Carrie Oakey Night, and I've got to get to the bank before they close and cash my weekly check from my step-daddy!

Only The Beginning...

2006-06-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

First thing, on a personal note, my Thursday karaoke nights have become a success in the gay community! They say I'm really "camp", which I think is gayspeak for exceptionally good! I really pack them in, so if you want a good seat, get there early!
I've been reading a lot of moonbat blogs that say now that we killed Zarqawi, it's time to bring our boys home from Iraq! Just because we got the man responsible for September 11, doesn't mean that our mission there is finished! There are still millions of terrorists in Iraq and Iran that practice the violent godless religion of Muslim that need to be converted to the peaceful God-fearing religion of Christianity, or be killed! Zarqawi was only the beginning, you unshaven pot smoking heathens!
Democracy won't work if these "people" are allowed to worship as they see fit. They need a leader like Our Supreme Leader, appointed by God and in personal contact with him! Do you think God would talk to a ragheaded who worships Mohammed Allah? Of course not, there is one God but Our God, and he must speak English only, because George W. Bush doesn't speak Arabic!
And there has also been a lot terrorist sympathizers who whine about how were killing "innocent" civilians! As if! Better to kill them when they're babies than have them grow up to kill our troops! Also, a lot of the feminazis are complaining about how we're killing women. I thought they were for equal rights! Anyone who questions our troops on their mission is a traitor who is aiding the enemy!
So it would seem that at the same time the war on terrorism is heating up, so is my musical career! You might want to stick around for both, things are going to get hot!

If They Can't Protect Marriage, How Can They Protect The Country?

2006-06-05T17:27:00.000-07:00

The Senate is busy debating a bill calling for a Constitutional Amendment to protect marriage from deviants who wish to allow two people of the same gender to join together in Holy Matrimony. Why are they even debating this?!? Homosexuality is an abomination in the Face of God!Come on guys! We Republicans control the Senate! Bush supports the bill! What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for God to allow another 9/11 because America has embraced the homosexual lifestyle before you get up off your keisters and do something to protect this nation?
The sanctity of marriage needs to be protected, like a good woman's virtue, and our Supreme Leader is willing to take the right steps to protect that sacred institution! Marriage is sacred and needs to be protected like other sacred American institutions like the flag and the tax cut! May I suggest, if you are a gay, and wish to marry, you find a nice girl and marry her and fight off those homosexual urges with prayer and electroshock therapy, if need be the cause!
And may I also suggext that all you red-blooded freedom loving P{atriots write to your Senator and demnd this bill be passed. That's why we elected them last time, to protect us from gay marriages and the Wrath of God upon this mighty land if we were to ever allow this to happen!

To Daddy

2006-05-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

Today is the day I remember my real daddy. He was a great hero, who was killed by the dirty Iraqis in the first Gulf War. I was only four years old at the time, and I remember how my mommy cried when they brought her the news, it was a verys ad day for our family. I remember how hard it was for her to tell me that my daddy was never coming back, but how I should be happy, as he was with Jesus now, and how we both had to be good, so we could see daddy when we got up to Heaven.
Thank you, Daddy, for fighting to protect Democracy during the first Gulf War. And God Bless Our Great Leader and all Our Blessed Soldiers who have sacrificed themselves to finish the job started by good Christians like my Daddy.

It Should Have Been Me!

2006-05-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Simon! Paula! Randy! Be warned! It doesn't matter who you choose tonight to be the new American Idol, I know it should have been me! That's why I'm boycotting your show, especially tonight!
But I'm out here now! There's no way you can prevent me from my destiny as pre-ordained by God Himself! I will be the next American Idol and lead America to the next level of greatness, following in the footstpes of Our Great Leader! Auditions start soon, and I will be there!
And when I become the next American Idol, there will be no more teenage girls writhing half naked on the stage! The charts will not be filled with jungle bunny music! The only love songs allowable wil be the love of God and/or the love of the USA! Gospel will be the only music allowed and you will love it or be a traitor to God and the USA! No more Bush hating Dixie Chicks, thank you, and no more mopey music either! Americans will only listen to freedom loving music, and if you don't like it here, go to Russia and complain!
Of course, I know the Jews that run the entertainment industry won't like it! they'd rather put out Jesus slandering garbage like The DaVinci Code! They already killed him once, and now wish to kill him again and again! When I rule as the American Idol, no more dark or negative movies. No adultery, or nudity of any kind! Soldiers will always be portrayed as heroes (unless they're to wimpy to kill for God) and whores will always be evil! So, if you're with me, start writing letters to those in charge at American Idol! Give Carrie her chance to fulfill her destiny!

Thanks For The Warning, Mr. Robertson!

2006-05-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm glad I didn't take my cousin's advice! My cousin Brenda, one of those grungy goth girls, had at one point in time suggested if I really wanted to have a music career, I should move to seattle, which is the Hot Spot for the music industry. Yeah, if I wanted to play in a mopey rock band! Not me, when I sing songs, I want to sing happy songs that make people feel good about their live and their country, because we are so fortunate to be living in the Greatest Country in the world, during the reign of it's Greatest Leader!
So then I hear, the Honorable Reverend Pat Robertson say a major tsunami is headed for the Pacific Northwest sometime this year! That'll make all those depressed grungers happy, since they seem to wallow in self pity, God will give them something to mope about!
Pat is one of the luckiest men in the world, one of those truly good enough to be in direct communication with God! When I become famous, I hope I get to be so fortunate! Because I am so good, and such a good Christian, I am sure that God will warn me before he decides to wipe out massive populations, just in case I happen to have travel plans there! And Mr. robertson is like the Pope of America, with out all that idolatry, or greed that you find in the Catholic Papist child rapist Church!
Someday, God's will shall be done, and Mr. Robertson will be President-For-Life of America! Then he will free your soul, whether you want it, or not! Americans need to be forced to Church to thank God for the Freedom He gave them. The Freedom they don't appreciate! I love Mr. Pat Robertson! He's so much like Jesus that maybe we should all pray to Him!

Look All You Want! I've Got Nothing To Hide!

2006-05-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

I've now seen my commercial 27 times on television! I've been trying to get a publicist, but apparently two seconds in a commercial is not enough "exposure" for them! But when you multpily it by the number of times it's been shown (as an extra, I'm not entitled to residuals, so I have no idea what exactly that number may be), I'm sure it's a couple of hours airtime at least!
When you're on your way to being the world's biggest celebrity, you need all the exposure you can get! The only problem, a lot of people are willing to give you the wrong type of exposure! A lot of pervs have suggested I pose in my altogether for them, you know, nude, as a way to gain more exposure as they would then post my picture at their website on the internets where a lot of men would see it. No thank you very much. The only people who have seen me in my birthday suit have been my doctor, my mother, myself, and my step-daddy, who would always accidentally walk in on me when I was in the shower. There are just some things a girl has to keep private!
And also, on my way to SuperStardom, there's going to be a lot of people who want to know more about me, that's only natural! So I don't mind people wanting to find out things about me, I've got nothing to hide!
Which is why I support President Bush's efforts to find terrorists by monitoring our phone calls! It seems to me the only people opposed to this would be the ones aiding alQeida by not supporting the War On Terrorism! If Osama Bin Laden or Zarqawi are hiding out in this country, how the Heck do you expect the government to find them? All this, I'm sure will prevent another horrible 9/11 from happening, and only those people who have the most to gain from that would want it to happen!
So I think it's every Americans duty to support this effort by Our Great Leader to eradicate terrorists from our country! If you don't want the government watching what you're doing, maybe it's something you shouldn't be doing in the first place!

God Has A Reason For Everything!

2006-05-10T14:45:00.000-07:00

Everything God does, He does for a reason. For instance, when he allowed the terrorists to attack us on September 11, it was because America had embraced the homosexual lifestyle! As an added bonus, it gave us a chance to attack the dirty heathens in the Middle East and give them a chance to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior or die and rot in Hell!
When news came out yesterday about the US having the second highest death rate among infants in the world, I, too was troubled, nobody loves the babies Jesus makes more than I, so I began seeking a reason for this. I didn't have to look too far, because most of the babies that are dying are little colored babies, and God's reason couldn't have been any clearer! Many colored people have their babies out of wedlock. Many colored mothers have babies with multiple fathers, and many colored fathers have babies with multiple mothers. None of these people are procreating in the sanctity of Holy Matrimony! So God is angry with them! Also, as I have heard on Rush Limbaugh, many colored women have babies to get more welfare, which is a shame. God has decided to punish these people by taking their babies away from them so He can provide the love they need up in Heaven.
Another reason God is taking away all these colored babies is because America is His country, and He wants to keep it as pure as possible. The way the colored people are reproducing, soon enough the United States wouldn't be as pure as He intends it to be! Everything God does, He does for a reason!

The Blasphemy Code

2006-05-08T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sure we all can remember the uproar caused when a Danish newspaper printed cartoons depicting Mohammed. Those Muslims threw the world's biggest hissy fit because we decided to mock their "God"! Well, imagine the uproar if someone made a movie depicting the life of Mohammed! Or, worse yet, depiciting Mohammed getting married and having children! I think we'd see some pretty horrible protests, wouldn't we? Especially if Mohammed procreated with a whore!
Well that's the whole premise of The DaVinci Code. Jesus had children with Mary Magdalene! And now Tom Hanks is looking for the descendants of that unholy union! Just another shot fired in the War On Christianity! That this comes out of Jew controlled Hollywood is no shock. Remember how the Jews became upset when Mel Gibson's great The Passion of the Christ portrayed the Jew as the Christ Killers they are? I think that this is probably their revenge, smearing the name of Our Savior by suggesting He lay down with a whore! The director of this piece of filth is probably a Jew too!
The skirt wearing Papists are suggesting a boycott, but I believe this doesn't go far enough. You can't expect more from a bunch of pedophiles! I suggest that every movie theater that dares show this film be burned to the ground, as well as all copies of the film! Christians need to show the world that we aren't going to turn the other cheek any more, just like we went after the Muslims in Iraq for attacking us on 9/11! That a film like this would come out at a time when we're bringing freedom to the rest of the world is a slap in the face of all our boys who died defending democracy! Courtesy, once more, of the liberals in Hollywood!

Look Out! Here I Come!

2006-05-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

OMIGOD!! I'm so excited! Last night, when I was over at my friend, the gay, Brandon's apartment watching The OC, I saw my commercial!! I can't say wht the product was, but you can see my whole left side for a full two seconds!! This is better than the time when I was on American Idol, because you can see some of my face this time!! I almost tinkled my drawers when I saw it, and Brandon and I hugged and laughed, for a long time! I'm really on my way now!
Next week, Brandon and I are going to a karaeoke bar we found so I can do my act. When I showed him all the old outfits my old friend who was a gay made for me, he called them 'tacky' and that they 'made me look like a hick', so we are going out shoppuing tomorrow for something to make me look more 'hip'. If a dress covered in red, white and blue sequins isn't classy, then our country's standards fell along way under Bill Clinton! I'm sure that George W Bush, our greatest president ever, could raise them, if he wasn't too busy fighting the war on terrorists! Also, I made a new friend on the internets! Betty Jo posted a link at her blog to mine, so all the patriotic Americans over there can visit here to refresh their spirit! Like I say, either you love America, or you're an America hating liberal who ought to move to Mexico!
Speaking of Mexico, today is some Mexican holiday, another day for those taco bending bean eaters to not work, drink tequila, shoot off their pistolas and scour the streets drunk looking for little white girls to rape! So I'm staying inside tonight! Now I have nothing against loving your country, but if Mexico is so darn great, why the heck did you move to America? When you come to America, you give up all your old holidays, and only celebrate American ones, like the Fourth of July, or Christmas!

Methinks Thou Doth Protest Too Much!

2006-05-02T17:31:00.000-07:00

What's the difference between a peace rally and a pro-immigration rally? The pro-immigration people are cleaner and don't smell as much! Real soon we'll see other criminals take to the street for their right to break the law, such as child molesters, drug addicts and wife beaters! And if you look, you'll see America survived it's one day with out illegal immigrants! Which proves my point!
Protests are pointless! Look at all the dirty hippies who take to the street to try and "stop" the Global War On Terrorism! It's like they wanted Saddam to keep sending planes into our buildings! There is a time for protests, such as standing outside a baby killing abortion clinic, and a time to throw your support behind our soldiers as they spread Democracy to places like Iran and Venezuela! Our Great President has his hands full trying to keep us safe from those who oppose freedom, so keep your mouth shut and let him do his job!
And for all you liberals who like these stinky Mexicans so much, I have a suggestion! Mexico is planning on legalizing marijuana, so all you drug addicts should move there because: a)you hate America so much, b)you love greasy Mexicans so much and c)you can't get through the day with out your "mary jane"!
After all these illegal immigrants protests, at the end of the day, guess what? They're still breaking the law. Someday when the GWOT is over, perhaps our soldiers can come home and patrol our borders and streets for those who speak out against this Great Country! Only then will we ever be free! And while they may change the words of Our National Anthem to Spanish, the immigrants could never do that to 'God Bless America'! Because He would strike them down for committing such blasphemy!

Got Ya Liberals Again!

2006-04-30T04:55:00.000-07:00

I met the nicest couple over at my friend Brandon, the gay's, apartment last night! Well, I thought they were nice, until I found out they were liberals living in sin! So I spent most of the night defending our great President against attacks by Michael and Jessica. Finally, when I told them since they hate our country so much, why didn't they just leave, they left, which upset Brandon a little, because he had known them since high school.
Another topic of converstaion we had was about gay marriages. Why can't Brandon, asked Michael, settle down and marry a nice boy if he wanted to? Well, besides the fact that what the two of them doing in their "conjugal" bedroom is an abdomination unto God, mosts states rightfully prohibit such "civil unions"! When you give a gay the right to marry another gay, what's to stop them from adopting a little boy to bring up as a gay as well? Or worse, adopt one for their own sadistic fantasies, as everyone knows the gays are all pedophiles!
I asked Michael and Jessica why they weren't married themselves, why they preferred to live in sin, and you know what they said? "We don't need a piece of paper to prove our love for each other." Or, "we can make a commitment to each other with out all the legal hassles." So then I asked them, why, if they didn't need a piece of paper to make a commitment to each other, a gay needs a piece of paper to make a commitment to another gay? Is it because sexual deviants such as homosexuals have a predatory nature, and need something legally binding to keep each other faithful? Or is it because one of them has a fantasy about wearing a wedding dress? Which they would want to be white, the color of purity, even though they are practicing homosexuals?
That's why I'm saving myself for my future husband! When I wear white, I want it to mean something! Not make a mockery of God! I am pure and intend on staying that way until I can give myself as a gift to my new husband on our wedding night!

Sacrilgeous National Anthem

2006-04-29T04:54:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows that the Jews control almost everything in this country. They control Congress, own all the banks, and certainly dominate my chosen field, the entertainment industry. And even though they're all going to Hell for not accepting Jesus Christ as their personal savior, they are good people. Most of them could pass for white, and you wouldn't even know they were Jews unless they told you. But, for all this, they haven't asked us to speak Jewish, or asked us to change the fifty stars on our flag to Stars of David.
So why do the Dirty Mexicans feel that they need to have the Star Spangled Banner sung in Mexican? The Jews don't expect a Hebrew version of it, the colored people don't do a ghetto version, nor do any of the other legal immigrants who have come to this country expect us to change the words to their native tongue. America is all about conforming and trying to be as normal as possible, which means using English. For some reason, all these people who have come into this country illegally, want us to change everything to suit them. If you want to sing a National Anthem in Mexican, go back to Mexico and sing the Mexican National Anthem! I mean, the first line of the Anthem goes "Oh! Say, can you see?" not "Jose, can you see?"!
This Monday, they are all going to boycott work and school to protest and show how many illegals are in this country. I say the government should round them all up and ship them back to Mexico, then stand at the border and shoot anyone of them that tries to cross the border! If you want to riot for rights, go back to your own country and do it! We have our Freedom of Speesh, and fortunately, that Freedom to speak is in English!

You Can't Spell Hypocrisy Without A Smelly Hippie!

2006-04-27T16:17:00.000-07:00

I've been posting comments at some moonbat blogs lately, and the only response they have (because they can't argue with my innate logic) is put on a shirt! They don't like my profile picture, because even though I am wearing a bathing suit, because they can't see it, and because their minds are polluted from the pornography they watch on a regular basis, they think I'm naked! Which would be even more totally ridiculous even if they weren't defending sexual deviants rights to molest our children!
Yes, that slut Madonna (or is she a whore?) can put out a book where she commits every sinful act of lust imaginable, from interracial copulation to interspecies copulation (Vanilla Ice just isn't human!), plus numerous homosexual acts with other women, and they consider it empowering! Because that whore (or is she a slut?) is a liberal, she could copulate with a dog and it would be acceptable! But let me use a picture my very own step daddy took of me by the pool and all of a sudden they tell me to get some clothes on!
Yes it's all fine and dandy for them to have homosexual pedophiles teaching at our schools, where they can indoctrinate young boys into the homosexual lifestyle, but I can't pose in a bikini! Why? Because all these old hippies are old, and gravity has affected their patchouli drenched flesh, and all those years of munchies brought on by excessive marijuana use has forced them to wear shapeless dresses that hide the very femininity they God blessed them with! Plus, they don't shave their armpits!
So they are all just jealous of me! Why? I mean besides being blessed by God with all the talent in the world and the humility to handle it, I'm young, and I take good care of my body!I'm very beautiful, and still have my whole life ahead of me, where I can make my mark on the world! They don't even have memories of that time in their lives because they were all whacked out on marijuana and having promiscuous sex with any dirty hippie boy who had a bong and a Grateful Dead eight track in his van! All that's left for them is botched abortions and failed marriages! Should have held out for love girls! That's what I'm going to do!

The War For Freedom Can Not End Until We've Rounded Up All The Muslims

2006-04-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

How's a good Christian girl supposed to sleep at night knowing that Osama Bin Laden is still on the loose and releasing audio tapes taunting us to try and catch him. Just the thought of that creeps face gives me the willies. I only hope that God guides George Bush to the country where Osama is hiding so we can catch him once and for all and I can stop having nightmares!!! We should just keep on invading Muslim countries until one of them gives up the ghost!!
Which is whyb we should invade Iran. They're probably hiding Osama out along with all their nucular weapons. We should drop nucular weapons all over that country and maybe we'll kill Osama, and if not, we'll have cleaned up a lot of towel headed Mohammed loving freedom hating camel riding Muslims that one day might want to fly a plane right in to the White House. We can never be free as long as those types of people are walking around free!

Be A Patriot And Give Your Baby A Christian Name!

2006-04-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

The big news out here is the birth of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes new bastard baby! Of course, I think it sets a horrible example for our young and impressionable children that this couple decided to have the baby out of wedlock! Come on Tom, I don't think that Top Gun or Ethan Hunt would do this, it's very UnAmerican! How hard would it have been for you two to visit a preacher, say your vows and bring that baby in the world with two married and loving parents!
Then TomKat decided to give the baby a hippie weirdo name, Suri, instead of a normal Christian name like Susie or Ashlee! Maybe it's because they're not normal or Christian! Child protective services should seize that child and place her in a good safe white Christian home, as we Christians are going to need to add to our ranks to defend ourselves in the ongoing war against Christianity.
My new friend Brandon, who is a gay, says that Tom is a gay, too! I guess that's why he belongs to a gay church like Scientology! But if he is a gay, how did he make a baby? It's kind of scary if a gay can make a baby, because if they ever found this out, they'd make a whole bunch of little boy babies for their friends and them to molest, everybody knows that the gays are all pedophiles!
So someday, when I get married and have a baby, not only will it be with a white Christian, my baby, either he or she will have a good Christian name like Wayne (for a boy) or Alishia (for a girl). I think it should be a law that babies be only given Christian names, then if it grows up and wants to change it's name to some weirdo hippie name, like Freedom, Justice, or Love, it can do that. in the mean time while it's growing up, it won't be teased at school by the cool kids with good Christian names!

Latest Carrie Update!

2006-04-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

Hey! I'm back! I took a little time away over the long Holiday weekend, but now, I have returned! First off, let me thank my step-daddy's lawyers, who took some time away from his legal problems (brought on by the whore across the hallway from me) to stop that nasty "John Oakey" who claimed to be my stepbrother from putting out his slanderous blog. I'm sure whoever this person was, they are receiving the mental help they so desperately need! Fame is fleeting, unless, like me, you have the talent and humility to back it up!
Also, I would like to take a second to tell you about my new job! I'm waiting tables, which I hear is a good way to be discovered! I also made a new friend there, he's a gay, and his name is Brandon. Brandon is also going to be a star! Brandon says that when he makes his first movie, I can go to the premeire with him, because although he is a gay, he really wants to be straight so bad! I will admit, it is a bit weird talking with a boy about cute boys, but as long as he doesn't steal that doctor that I will someday marry away from me and turn him into a gay, then we can be friends!
Brandon told me about a place that has a karaoke night out here, and promised to go with me and clap for me! He's really kind of cute, and I'm secretly hoping he does get to be rich and famous, then I will marry him and change him into not a gay! He has such good taste and has a nicely decorated apartment!
Also, I would like to thank my biggest fan, Mr. Mann (I swear that's his name!) for being there in my comments section. I know he might be a little older for me, but he is handsome, and if he's rich, who cares! He's so nice! Thank you, Mr. Mann!

South Park Lets The Terrorists Win!

2006-04-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

I'm madder than a dirty hippie with a broken sandal strap at a peace march! The other night, a cartoon show had some really blasphemous stuff on it. Imagine, a show for kids with this kind of nonsense!
The makers of the show, South Park, at first wanted to have a cartoon with Mohammed, which I have no problem with, make fun of him all you want, but what they did instead was infuriating! In the show, they showed Our Savior, Jesus Christ pooping on the American Flag! Then they had him pooping on our great leader George W. Bush! What kind of message are they sending to the children when they show this?
So rather than offend the terrorists, the homos who make the show decided to offend decent Americans! I think that free speech in this country has gone too far when they let this filth permeate our airwaves! When we let this kind of poop on our airwaves, then Al Qeida wins!
But, what's even more important, and I think sends a message about who really runs things, is what they never even thought about showing! Why not have Moses pooping on the Israeli flag? Oh, that's right, that would be anti-semitic, better to be anti-American than that. Can't have Moses pooping on Ariel Shaorn, or whoever the head Jew is, but you can have Jesus, who I don't even think poops, poop on the Greatest Living American!
So while Christians are being attacked mercilessly by the forces of Al Qeida, they are also being fervently attacked by the Christ Killers who run the entertainment industry! I know that when I BECOME THE BIGGEST STAR EVER, I'M ONLY GOING TO HIRE CHRISTIANS!

Blasphemous Idol

2006-04-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

This Friday is an important day in the world of Christianity! It's the day the Christ-killers nailed our Savior to the cross. And now, suddenly, there's a supposed "New Gospel", that of Judas, that says Jesus wanted Judas to betray him. Even though it has been around for awhile, it magically appeared to make the Christ-killers look like they were doing a good thing.
I don't care if the Christ-killers control everything, that's okay. They can have this world, my Kingdom is the Kingdom of Heaven, and they're not going there, unless they decide to convert to the true religion, Christianity!
There are those of you who may think I'm bitter about it all because I was rejected for American Idol. You couldn't be farther from the truth! In fact, I'm kind of glad I wasn't selected this season after seeing last night's show.
Contestants were asked to sing songs by Heavy metal band Queen. I would never have done it as everyone knows Heavy Metal is the music of the Devil. Adding insult to injury, the lead singer of the band was a homo who died from AIDS, God's plague against sinners. But I think the worst part of that, besides the Devil music written by a gay, is the fact that Queen was English! I though the name of the show was American Idol, not Homosexual Devil Worshipping British Idol! When they allow this sort of blasphemous idolatry on the American airwaves, it's like they want Al Qeida to win!

God Is On the Side Of The Righteous

2006-04-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

I thought I had it crazy with all these moonbats harrassing me over here at my blog. But apparently, I don't have it half as bad as our great leader does. It seems some dirty hairy Harry Hippie was caught jumping the fence at the White House. He was screaming "I am a victim of terrorism!" while acting like a freaking terrorist himself. Wearing a 'God Bless America' T-shirt to disguise him as a true patriot, this whacked out wacko was subdued by anti-terrorism teams. The unidentiied man must have been a real threat to America, just like Saddam Hussein, as it required nearly a dozen armed officers to subdue him.
I know how Mr. Bush feels, being attacked by those looking to due battle against Christians and all the morals and values they stand for. The man, who obviously looked Jewish, was merely trying to attack the man who has a direct line to God. And if God has told George W. Bush to strike at Iran with nuclear weapons, then everybody should stand behind the president and this decision. I know God does!
It's like that song goes, "God Bless America, land that I love, stand beside her and guide her, might makes right with the light from above." Which is the song I sang on my American Idol audition. If i'd have sung it like a colored person, I might have got on the show!
And one more thought, as I watched all these illeagl immigrants walking the streets, where in the heck were all the Immigration people? they should have been there checking for green cards and anyone who did not posess one should have ben shipped back to Mexico. Don't come to my country and wave your flag around , Jose, this is America and the only flag that should be flown is the good old Stars and Stripes. If Mexico is so great, go back there, because you're obviously too ignorant to learn our language anyway. I hear you speak it to each other all the time up here, and I know you're discussing throwing over the white Christian majority and replacing it with the Papist child rapist church of Idolatry. They're as bad as the terrorists.

Internets Declare War On Good White Christian Girls

2006-04-08T05:10:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well! Another blogger has set up a website to smear my good Christian name! Fairly soon, I'll probably have more blogs dedicated to hating me than our great president has! Which puts me in some pretty good company! I mean, if all these people don't like it here in America, why don't you just leave? And take some of those dirty Mexicans with you! I'm almost famous now! I can't even begin to imagine how big I'll be when my commercial comes out!
I know that all these people hate me for a lot of reasons. Because I'm so talented. Because I've been on TV. All the old hippie chicks with their hairy armpits and drooping boobies hate me because I'm young beautiful, and reasonably free of unsightly body hair! Then there are those who hate me because I'm white, which is like a kind of racism I guess. But mostly I think they all hate me because I am a good Christian! As Tom DeLay says, there's a war on Christianity in this country, and he was it's first victim. Not only were the Islamofascists flying planes in to buildings to attack our Christianity, but now so-called "American" citizens are helping them out by trying to weaken this great Christian country from within, making it easier for them to come in and convert us all to Muslimism with their pork-free diets. That's why we need to wipe them all out in their own countries, so that their rotting carcasses don't take up too much American soil needed for good white Christian people laying in wait for the rapture!
Well, anyway, last night I found out what a fan film is, it's an excuse for young pervs to invite beautiful and talented woman to their apartments to take advantage of them. Perverts! You can bet he's not a Republican, or a conservative, because we don't let perverts in, those people who want to let homos marry each other, or molest little children. No, all the sickos are in the liberal Democrats, because if they ever were on our side, we'd make them quit and become a liberal Democrat because that's where they belong!
Just remember, the more you hate me, the more I love you!

Bad News, Good News

2006-04-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to all my fans that I didn't post yesterday! I've had a ton of bad things happening, between that person harassing me and my family and other things as well, that I just don't feel this is worth it. But I know my fans depend on me to shine the light of my star upon them, and I don't like to disappoint!
First off, I'd like to say to that psycho that is pretending to be my brother, please stop harrassing me! If you don't like what I say, just don't read my stuff. Personal attacks like that are the true trademarks of liberals, look at how they attack our president. He's doing a great job protecting our country from the Islamofascists who want to take over our country and worship a false God.
Also, my step-daddy has some lawyers working on slapping an injunction on these moonbats, but right now his lawyers are busy protecting him from some claims made against him by some whore that I thought was my friend. As soon as they clean that mess up, they'll be coming after you!
But now, on to the good news! I just got a part in a commercial! I know it's as an extra, but I'm sure all my fans will see me in it when it airs! I mean I don't get to sing or anything, but it's a start! Plus I met this neat guy who's making a "fan film", whatever that is, and has a small part for me. He wants me to come over to his apartment tonight to discuss my role. I mean, I was created by God to be the greatest singer ever, but if I can get work as an actress, that could lead to my singing career too!
And that is why I feel blessed by God, not only because of all the incredible talent he has bestowed upon me, but because I was born in the greatest country ever, at a time when it is being led by it's greatest leader! I hope he continues to send our boys over there to crush every last ragheaded Mohammed loving sand nigger over there so not only can we once more be secure, but so we can take all their oil too! I'm going to need a lot of gas for the longest stretch limo ever when I become a star! Toodles!

Another Day, Another Psycho

2006-04-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Well, another deranged psychotic has shown up claiming to be my step-brother. As if! For starters, my step brother isn't colored, which just goes to show how sick these people are, I mean, inter-racials marriages are gross! Then he claims to be JOHN when any body who knows me, knows my step-brother's name is JOE. And then these morons , who obviously lack the mental capacity to reason, think I would have the same last name as my step-brother! Duh! His last name is Kuhr, just like my step-daddy Wayne. they even have at their blog, a picture of a naked fat hippie they claim is my step-daddy! My step-daddy is not fat, nor is he a hippie. He hates hippies as they like to burn flags and protest against our great president. i don't know whether to be disgusted or insulted by this, maybe I'll be a little of both!
Speaking of my step-daddy, he suddenly had to leave last night following his witnessing to my neighbor Elise. He never told mommy he was coming to visit me, he just said he was going to send the packages. So nice to be rich I guess! But when he returned from Elise's apartment, he said that she scratched him as he tried to run the devil out of her so he better get to his doctor quick as wink to make sure he hadn't caught AIDS, her being a whore and all.
Well anyway, back to the psychos, this merely proves that I am going to be famous, I'm nearly famous now! And I'm sure tomorrow someone will turn up being my step-daddy, or Mommy, or my next door neighbor Elise, the list of possiblities is endless. But just remember, these are the little people, people who's lives are so pitiful that they have to associate with a star to find meaning in them. May I suggest you turn to Jesus? Prayer will cure your psychosis.
Well, I must be off. Auditions and agents!

It's My Party!

2006-04-04T19:49:00.000-07:00

Today is a momentous day in my history! It's my birthday! I was not looking forward to spending it alone, when who should show up, but my step-daddy! He brought some presents from my mommy and himself. I got from mommy two pairs of shoes with purses to match. Some new sweaters and some nice shorts and slacks. My step-daddy gave me a very nice negligee.
He took me out to dinner tonight at one of those places that don't sing 'Happy Birthday' at your table but some other song that just isn't as nice. I was almost sad, for this was the first time in nineteen birthdays I haven't had 'Happy Birthday' sung to me. But I soon forgot about that. When we got back to my apartment, my step-daddy went next door to witness to my neighbor Elise. i had told him what a whore she was the other night, and he said he would sleep better at night knowing that there was someone out here who was watching his little girl for him. He's over there now, he must really be driving the Devil out of her, as I can hear her screaming and crying for help. I took the oppurtunity to shower while my step-daddy was over there, as there is no lock on my bathroom door and I didn't want him to accidentally walk in on me like he used to at home. And now under my robe, I'm wearing the negligee he bought for me.
I didn't dare to tell him about the audition I had this afternoon. They were advertising for dancers, but when I got there, they wanted girls who danced naked like whores in front of people. I feel funny enough with my bikini picture on the internets, (especially after that psycho claiming to be my sister posted it at her blog, along with some very nasty lies about me)I'm not about to dance naked as the day Jesus made me in front of people. And most of the boys I would be dancing in front of were colored. No colored boy is ever going to see my naked body thank you very much!
Well, it's getting late, and my step-daddy is still over at Elise's apartment. I really need to get some sleep, as I found a place that has karaoke night on Wednesday, and I've got a whole new crowd of people to expose my talent to. Who knows? Maybe I'll be discovered! All I know is that today I am one year older and one step closer to fulfilling my destiny!

Crawling Out Of The Woodwork

2006-04-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a busy day. I had two auditions and a meeting with a gentleman whom I wished to represent me as my agent. So now I'm waiting by the phone. This afternoon, I'm going to get a job waiting tables, so I can make a little extra money, and possibly make connections. Last night, I talked to my mom on the phone, she is so supportive of me, but she says she misses me , and so does my step-daddy! She said he might be coming out to visit me, to make sure I'm alright and junk, you know, not getting mixed up with those heathen cults that proliferate out in sunny California, like the Wickeds.
But now I know I'm going to make it, because there is already one person trying to tie their wagon to my star! She's in the comment section of the previous post, and claims to be my sister! As if! I don't even have a sister! She says I'm a runaway, but my mom was happy to let me come out here and pursue my destiny as a star! She has faith in me! But I'm sure this happens to everybody who has talent, either their less talented relations try to hook their wagons to the tail of a star, like Ashlee Simpson or Jamie-Lynn Spears, or other people try to hook their wagons to the tail of a star. I pity this person who is such a deluded psycho that she thinks she is my sister! And I'm sure there will be more people claiming to be my relations, but I should expect that, as I am so beautiful and talented that who wouldn't want to be related to me!

How I Came Up With My Name

2006-04-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

When I was fourteen, I started going to the Village Inn pizza parlor every Thursday Night, because that was karaeoke night. I'd get there on stage and sing my favorite Hillary Duff and Britney Spears songs (this was before Britney turned out to be a lying slut and homewrecker). Well, naturally, the people loved me, as I am so talented, so I went back again. And again.
I had a friend, a homosexual whom I was trying to save from the eternal torment of Hell, who would help me out with costume design. I tried to get him to convert by trying to set him with the local sluts, but to no avail. Meanwhile, I was there every Thursday, singing my little heart out, as well as working in a few dance steps my homosexual friend would show me. (Fags are such good dancers!)
Pretty soon, people would come to watch me perform every Thursday. I had my crowd of regulars, mostly middle aged gentlemen. They would sing along with and applaud after every song! It was then I knew that God had chosen me to be a star! So I asked the owner if I could get paid for my singing, and of course the Jew said no. You know how cheap they are. So then I asked if I could at least get star billing, to which he laughed at me! Well, I went backstage and I cried and I cried!
My homo friend came backstage and saw I was upset, and asked me what was wrong. I explained what happened, and he sat there for a moment and thought, then he turned to me and said:
"Why don't you change your name to Carrie Oakey! Because then, every Thursday night would be Carrie Oakey night!" I wanted kiss him, but knew I'd probably get AIDS if I did, so I shook his hand (and washed it right afterwards) and thanked him, and that's when I became Carrie Oakey!
I felt bad a couple years later when my gay friend was killed by a couple guys on the football team, but the price of sin is not cheap, and he should have known that this is how God wanted him to die. I take solace in the fact that i tried to save him from his evil ways, but the grip of satan on him was too great!

Don't Be Mad At Me Because Of My Anatomy!

2006-04-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

Everybody has been commenting about my lack of clothes in my profile picture. They think I'm naked, but really I'm wearing a skimpy bikini my stepdaddy (who took the picture of me by the pool) bought for me. I didn't feel comfortable in it, and haven't worn it since, but since I am in show-biz, I thought a little immodesty won't hurt my ambitions, so I used that picture.(Okay, I did crop out the suit, because I'm not that immodest!)
In reality, I think that they hate me because, besides being the most talented singer since Jessica Simpson, I have a hot body. It's okay, I can understand your envy, it's only natural. I'm sure most of these liberals attacking me are feminazis with hairy legs and armpits, while I am the penultimate of femininity! And I'm almost sure they are all old hippies, ashamed of how gravity has affected their bra-less physiques. And the men are all envious because their wives/girlfriends are old hairy hippie women who don't look anywhere as good as I do. So, as the colored folk say, don't be hating.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Better Than You!

2006-04-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

People can be so mean. The internets are crawling with awful people who don't love our President or the freedoms he's protecting. I think that they're jealous of me because I'm so beautiful and talented, plus, I've been on national television. Yesterday I was swarmed with nasty comments from some very Un-Christian people, because, as the coloreds like to say, I'm keeping it real. So once I realized they are jealous of me, I actually pitied them, because they don't have what I have, the love of God and Jesus.
I was down in the dumps for a spell, until my new neighbor, Elise, from across the hall stopped by and took me out for a drink to cheer me up. We went to a place where there was a lot of coloreds lurking around trying to have sex with white women. One actually had the gall to approach me, and then he suggested he wanted to put his wiener in my mouth! eeyyeewwww! Like I would ever do anything with a colored man! Sorry, but I'm saving myself for Mr. Right, and the first thing above all other things is he must be white! And then preferably a doctor or a lawyer, and handsome and successful.
So I became very upset and went to look for Elise because I wanted to leave, and I saw her dancing like a whore with a colored person! So I immediately took a taxi home and waited up for her to come home. But when she did come home, she brought a colored man home with her! What a whore! I'm certainly never going into her apartment again I might catch AIDS or something.
Sex for pleasure is not what God intended. It is only for two people of the same race who are married and in love with each other. She probably is on the pill or having abortions on demand or some other horrible thing. I knew before I moved out here that this place is crawling with sin, but I'm better than that! Jesus didn't die on the cross so that I could slut around like a painted up whore and have abortions on demand. And I know that if I follow the path of righteousness He has laid out for me, I will be the biggest star in the world, where I can stand up as a good role model for all the world to see.

You're Gonna Hear From Me!

2006-04-01T05:36:00.000-08:00

I have now been out here in Hollywood, and what I find most appalling is all the Mexicans here. I mean, if you're going to come to America, at least bathe and learn to use the language. And I can't believe our President would allow these filthy immigrants to continue to live in this country, I mean, they're not even white. I know we're supposed to trust Mr. Bush, but I can hardly tell them apart from terrorists. Oh, well. I know I'm probably wrong to question him, as he is our leader.
My apartment is small, but since my step-daddy can only afford to send me so much a week to live on, it'll have to do until I become a star. Then I'll have a mansion with lots of servants to do things for me, and they'll all be white. I've decided to take a job out here waiting tables, as most of us struggling artists do, maybe I'll make a few contacts, and some extra money to boot! I mean, my step daddy may be rich, but he never seemed to have enough money to fix the lock on the bathroom door back home, as he was always accidentally walking in on me when I was in the shower.
For some one who's been on tv ( I was on American Idol, in a crowd shot of participants at an audition, I was the girl in the upper right hand corner of the screen in the pink sweater ,waving) it's amazing how I can walk down the street and not be recognized. But I guess out here, they're used to seeing famous people, not like in my home town, where I was a celebrity, and my television appearance made the front page of our local newspaper. But someday, I'll be driving down the street in the biggest stretch limo you ever saw, and people will wonder just who that big start is behind the tinted glass!

Hello World!

2006-03-31T13:49:00.000-08:00

Hi! My name is Carrie and I just moved out here to Hollywood to be a star! I'm going to be the biggest thing since Jessica Simpson. So look out world, I'm coming!